As the Closet Empties: Values versus Virtues

Beware of those who point fingers, they’re often hiding something.

The Abbas and Ammas repeatedly warn the moralizer that in judging he or she also sins. Indeed, because we are all sinners, our ability to judge "good" from "evil" is severely impaired, and we judge another at our own peril.

I distrust moralizing. Moralizing isn’t about character or how one develops character, it’s about hiding one’s own imperfections and failures and insecurities by projecting all of the problems of the world onto this or that vice, this or that group of human beings, making oneself righteous. Moralizing is about “us” versus “them”, “good” versus “evil” human beings, when the truth is we are all an “us”, a mixtum of virtue and vice. The true saint is the first to admit himself the worst sinner, the least virtuous, the most vicious.

Moralizing is about values. Values are about what we hold dear, and often say really quite nothing about who we are persons or about what makes for virtuous character. Indeed values can be positively vicious, promoting otherwise potentially virtue-forming institutions, such as marriage, but under the guise of resentment and demonization and scapegoating such that the end, healthier marriages and families, is thwarted by the means—vicious conduct. Often, values misdiagnose the problems that are facing potentially virtue-forming institutions, preferring to hearken to some golden age when all was right with the world, nevermind, the sins of the past or the ways in which those institutions needed reforming.

Christianity is first and foremost not a religion of morals or values, but a religion of response to the Living God in Christ. Morals under such conditions are about response to God, and as such show themselves not so much in campaigns and crusades to purify and renew, but in character formation and person making over time.

Our response to God’s infinite love shows itself in our character over time showing something of the Living God: faithful, compassionate, without guile, patience, etc. In turn, we will find ourselves seeking to respond to God in ways that show something of God’s character in our relating with other human beings--thus becoming images of God.

For example, if one has made a promise “till death do us part”, which shows something of God’s faithfulness, he or she will do all that he or she can do live this out, and if the promise must be broken, he or she will divorce before considering other options and rightly recognize one's own contribution to the dissolution. If he or she fails to live into his or her promises, he or she will readily admit to such without excuse in all recognition of our finitude—this is one type of humility. Because we all fail, he or she will be generous with others’ failing, offering grace and pointing to God’s forgiveness and continued care. Und so weite.

The fall of evangelical leader the Rev. Ted Haggard, just the latest in what promises to be just one more blip as the closet empties, has already inspired quite an uproar all around. Many Christians are distancing themselves from him. Many gays are pointing the finger of hypocrisy. Others are praying for him. Some are sorry for him. And not a few are feasting on this latest show of how little Christians love one another, muchless anyone else.

I find the Rev. Haggard’s policies toward queer folk to be vicious and scapegoating, typical of the values campaign of which he has been a part. But it comes as no surprise that a fellow man who loves men would do this, given we are raised in a nexus of relationships that mostly tell us we’re the shit of the earth. Self-loathing very easily leads to destroying that which you loathe in yourself. And that in turn, leads to having to keep many secrets. And secrets destroy. As Fr. Wilkins once said, "I like my gays out in the open." The health of the entire community is better, as is that of persons, when we strive for transparency, honesty, and mutual accountability.

So yes, the Rev. Ted Haggard is hypocritical. But it is the rare gay man who has not been at some point in his life. This is changing among the generation that follows C and I, at least in some locales, but I cannot get up on a high horse and pretend I’ve never been a hyprocrite when I was in the closet. I cannot pretend that I didn’t say or do things that were anti-gay. Indeed, at another point in my life, I would have agreed with Mr. Haggard’s policies. The pain of rupture that comes with coming out or being outed is enormous, and I don’t see many offering a sign of care.

I have to ask the gay community, but most especially gay Christians (myself included) which virtues we wish to cultivate in the face of oppression and vicious attacks, and which virtues we wish to cultivate so that the community we offer is one that will offer soft landing for the McGreevy’s, the Foley’s, the Haggard’s, and so many more who will follow. Every time another public figure is outed as a man who loves men, do we raise our fingers in self-righteous finger-pointing or do we extend a hand of kindness and support, offer a place of safety and shelter amidst the painful turmoil? In other words, are we working to cultivate personally and communally the virtues of hospitality, generosity, magnanimity, and forgiveness.

Virtues are applicable irrespective of persons. Virtues are about one’s character. A straight man can be every bit as faithful, committed, honest, courageous, compassionate, truthful, patient, kind, as a gay man, and vice versa. A gay man can be every bit as promiscuous, lecherous, dishonest, cowardly, hardhearted, deceitful, impatient, unkind, as a straight man, and vice versa.

As the closet empties, as we discover something about human loving, that our affections and desires seems to run a spectrum and carry with it a three-dimensional aspect that intersects with gender and culture, will we be able to provide breathing space for those who tend to love to one degree or another both sexes and those who tend to love those of the same sex? Will we be able to offer insight and wisdom into the ongoing process of emerging? Will we be able to offer example of what living the good gay life looks like? A life oriented toward hospitality, generosity, forgiveness, kindness, fidelity, loyalty, gentleness. Or will show ourselves the bitter promiscous stereotypes?

When yet one more “villain” comes out or is outed, we can choose to not cannibalize one of our own in the same way so many other Christians and gays seem to be feasting on the Rev. Haggard. We can choose to remember when we were cowardly, hypocritical, deceitful, afraid, self-loathing, and willing to persecute. We can choose to forgive, literally making a small contribution to a future without the closet by opening the space for the Spirit to make things new by our willingness to “let go”. We can choose kindness and embrace of those who face this immense struggle that often accompanies facing oneself. Do we remember our own struggle enough to keep our hearts supple?

In cultivating these virtues, these markers of the Holy Spirit now, we will be prepared for that day not too far off when one of our persecutors becomes the great apostle to the queers. Will we be prepared to embrace our apostle--a Peter Akinola or a Benedict XVI or a Jerry Falwell--after his own Damascus experience? Will we lovingly apply balm to his eyes and set him free to see anew? Will he find us Christian enough to welcome him into the fold in brotherly and sisterly love and rejoicing rather than harp on about his past persecutions of us, such that our hospitality energizes apostles to the ends of the earth for the sake of the Good News of God's infinite mercy and love shown to us in the Resurrection?

From the letter I'll send off this week:

Dear Mr. Haggard,

I cannot pretend to know the struggles you have undergone, nor the pain you have endured these many years regarding your sexuality. I cannot imagine the sorrow and exhaustion you must experience after all these many years. I cannot understand the fear and anxiety you must be facing at this time.

I am sorry for the way fellow Christians are treating you as untouchable, an outcast, an irredeemable sinner, willing to set you aside outside the camp. I am sorry for the way you are being portrayed by members of the gay community as the hypocrite incarnate. I am sorry for your many years of struggle and suffering and self-loathing.

God dearly loves you, Ted Haggard, without reserve or “yes, buts…” or conditions or programmes to reshape you in others' images. As the Book of Wisdom found in the apocryphal readings declares, “Yes, you love everything that exists, and nothing that you have made disgusts you, since, if you had hated something, you would not have made it.”

You, your wife, and your children are in our prayers.

If you are ever in San Francisco looking for a house of Christian worship, you are most welcome to join us at St. John the Evangelist at the corner of Julian and 15th Street. Worship begins at 11:00am. Ask for “Chris”, and I’ll be glad to worship alongside you.

Your brother in Christ,
*Christopher